Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
