Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
