connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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