Don't you send me to vm
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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