i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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