did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
