I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
