are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
