if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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