I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I lost the right to judge tonight
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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