woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
