I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
operation have a gay friend backfired
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
