what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I wear drunk well.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
