I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
