dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize