Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
