So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
