You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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