Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize