she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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