Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Randomize
