I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Hippo gnu deer
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
