dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
