my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
