1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i dont even know how to be here
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
