when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
