shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
