2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
