Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
