so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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