i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
