you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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