I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
