I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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