I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
