Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I understand Curling. That high.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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