so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
