i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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