I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize