I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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