you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize