So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize