Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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