if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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