I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just want to make out with him forever
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
