Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I came so hard my ears popped.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
