Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you didnt know i had herpes?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
