is your mom at the bar?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
