I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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