Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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