I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
