he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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