all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
