Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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