i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
