I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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