Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
