I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Hippo gnu deer
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
