Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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