I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I stole a fireplace last night.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize