there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
