guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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