Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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