what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize