No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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