Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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