He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize