The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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